What does it mean to be yourself? I feel that oftentimes we try to define how much of ourselves we are being at any given moment. Phrases like “I’m so not me today!” and “I just don’t feel comfortable in my skin right now.” are strewn about like fallen leaves.
I too feel these sentiments in my life and in my walk. In this space in time where I prepare to embark to Haiti once more, I can’t help but look around and see that many of my friends have returned to college, but me? I am all alone, or that’s what I feel like sometimes. In this aloneness can come a sense of uncomfortableness and that resonant “who am I?” Now that my comrades are gone I don’t feel like myself. So it seems I’ve been defining myself by who I hang around and spend all my time with. And let me tell you if you do this, you will never have a solid Identity.
Whether you are surrounded by God-loving friends or completely alone, if you base your identity on your circumstances and the people around you, you are as turbulent as the wind. You’ve built your house on sandcastles and this is what I’ve been doing. The kind of identity we all have immediate access to is not one comprised of worldly things and momentary surroundings, it is a sense of self-anchored so much in glorifying God that the way we see ourselves is automatically a cute little footnote. Where we are so obsessed and engulfed in the story that God is writing and has written that our self-worth doesn’t matter.
Moses seemed to think he couldn’t be used but God had a different plan. One where Moses’s worth did not matter and it was all about forgetting himself and getting lost in the gravity and grace of God and his goodness. It’s hard to care how much you feel like yourself when you’re standing in the middle of raging waters threatening to collapse on you yet knowing that your Good God won’t let that happen. So right now I’m urging you and I’m urging myself to be so swept up in the marvelous privilege that is worshipping The One True King, that we could care less how we look and feel.
Let’s read our Bibles, and love those around us, and care for those with less, not to feel more like ourselves, or to feel good inside, but to praise the One who made all of this possible. In doing so we will be wise men and women building our house upon the what? The Roc