This one if for all the moms out there (missionary moms or not)
About 7 years ago, I wrote this post for my family’s personal blog during our first few months of living in Haiti. I was a young mom, who wasn’t satisfied with where God had put her during that season. Since writing this, my little boy is now 7 years old, and we have added two more to the mix, and yet God still brings this lesson to mind. It was/is so easy to become frustrated with daily life and wrangling kids, but God sees you, and he sees the effort you put into taking care of them. While writing this post, I realized that yes, I am a missionary by vocation, but ultimately, my kids are my first mission field, and I should make sure above all else that they are loved and the know how much God loves them.
The frustration. The never ending battle of ant killing, dust sweeping and mosquito bites. Wanting to be miserable.
Frustration because I feel like I am not doing anything helpful on base. Because the baby is having a bad day. Because I feel like I am not serving my husband like he deserves. Because my relationship with God is nowhere near where I want it to be.
The ants will swarm within minutes of letting a crumb fall. The dust multiplies every second, making it seem like you haven’t cleaned your house in two weeks, when in reality it was just yesterday. The Mosquitos have no prejudice, biting everyone everywhere and make it difficult to sleep with them buzzing in your ear.
I let it overwhelm me. Drag me down.
At least I did.
El Roi. The one who sees me. Ishmael. God hears Me.
The beginning of last week wasn’t so great. I honestly can’t pinpoint exactly what the problem was. Maybe it was the fact that Isaac had a fever last Monday night (his first). Maybe it was the fact that I was emotionally and physically drained from the experience. Maybe it was the fact that my house seemed to be a dust-bunny haven and there were ants crawling all over the dirty dishes in my sink. Maybe it was because I was tired of staying home and not contributing to the work on base.
But then I read this: When Mothering is Hard and Nobody Sees
(Seriously, read it. Even if you are not a mom. It will give you a whole new appreciation and understanding.)
You know that feeling like you should be getting a deeper meaning from something, but instead you think “Oh, thats nice” but go on with out a second thought. Yeah, thats what I did.
Later the same day, as I was attempting to catch up on my one year bible plan (don’t ask me how far behind I am…. it’s sad), I found those same words.
El Roi. The one who sees me. Ishmael. God hears Me.
I don’t know about you, but for me when it comes to God and his word, there are no such things as coincidences.
God sees when I am having a bad day. He hears me when I complain and groan and try to be miserable. But right now, I know it doesn’t really matter. Even in my bad days I am serving him. By doing what I feel is so insignificant, I am following the highest calling for this season of my life.
When Isaac just wants to be held, and needs me to be close by when he sleeps, I am serving the Lord.
When my husband comes home from a long day being the hands and feet of this mission and comments that the house looks good, even when I feel like I haven’t done anything productive today, I am serving the Lord
When I smile at those who I pass on my way to meals, I am serving the Lord.
When I sit with my little man and read him stories, I am serving the Lord
When my fellow staff smile and get excited about the food I make for staff meeting, I am serving the Lord.
When my family feels loved and cared for, I am serving the Lord.
When those who visit my home feel welcome, I am serving the Lord.
If all I do today is write this post as I watch my baby sleep, I am serving the Lord.
